"Pre-heated" is a meaningless fucking term! If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life, the whole system would collapse. As for the poor, they tell us theyve lost all incentive because weve given them too much money. George Carlin, 74. Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. Term limits ain't going to do any good; you're just going to end up with a brand new bunch of selfish, ignorant Americans. Its the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin different. We have a son in public school who hasn't shot any of his classmates yet. Feel free to reach out and connect. I dont understand why prostitution is illegal. People don't know that, tell them when they're in your car. Really? I'm gettin' tired of guys who smoke pipes. George Carlin was posthumously awarded the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor in 2008, after he passed away that year at the age of 71. 21. Not a word. They say, "oh, we're going for a nature walk. They say if you scratch a cynic, you'll find a disappointed idealist. That's what you do. A funeral director who says "Hope to see you folks again real soon!" They wind up on sanitary napkins, and yet they are fertilized eggs. Where are these people hiding? Think about it: religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. That's my advice. Save the planet! We hadn't been into grass before, we were into gang fighting, and wine and beer in the park, and punching the shit out of people, and having jackets with your name, and your girls were your 'debs', and you had turf, and all that dumb shit, and we would get into fights over girlsand then pot came along and gang fighting went away. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. Best George Carlin Quotes of All Time - LiveAbout George Carlin has many famous quotes about government, education and the American dream that are often referenced as truth. Now I feel better. Everything He ever makes dies., 9. In the first place, white people got no business playing the blues ever at all under any circumstances ever, ever, ever! I think people should be allowed to do what they want. George Carlin: Jammin' in New York (1992) - Quotes - IMDb But if the truck was delivering insulin, ah! George Carlin Quotes - BrainyQuote Fine, but if it's God's will, and He's going to do what He wants to anyway, why the fuck bother praying in the first place? I dont like ass kissers, flag wavers or team players. Bomb them! And of course, the bombs and the rockets and the bullets are all shaped like dicks. Remember when "being up for the game" was kind of a spiritual thing? 27. Think of the intellect it must take to derive pleasure from this activity: Hitting a ball with a crooked stickand walking after it! Pack your shit, were goin away. ""Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? I say, "Hey, professor! I decided to look around for something else to worship. Happens to work. Whether youre looking for inspirational or funny quotes by George Carlin or whether youre looking for his famous quotes politics and education, its all here. If you vote, and you elect dishonest, incompetent politicians, and they get into office and screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. George Carlin is Back from the Dead to Haunt Trump in Devastating Put the blame where it belongs: on the people. And just dumb enough to passively accept it., The government doesnt lie, it engages in disinformation., Im a loyal American and Im not happy unless I let the government and industry poison me a little bit every day., Government wants to control information and control language because thats the way you control thought, and basically thats the game theyre in., Bullshit is the glue that binds us as a nation., I believe the government should step in where the free market fails., Sooner or later the people in this country are going to realize: the government does not give a fuck about them., A flag is supposed to represent everything that a country does.. George Denis Patrick Carlin ( May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian, actor, author, singer, voice artist, and comedian, noted especially for his irreverent attitude and his observations on politics, language, psychology, and religion, as well as some taboo subjects. And rights aren't rights if someone can take them away." George Carlin. I'm a modern man, a man for the millennium, digital and smoke-free. I've also grown weary of reading about clouds in a book. Lets get started! No kidding. Thats all weve ever had in this country, is a bill of temporary privileges. If I can be of any help to you on your journey I'll do my best. Awfully sorry.. That's why we have a drug problem, I feel; it's because everyone has access to drugsit's all those DRUG stores, right? And of course this country is founded on the double standard. 12. 80% of a woman's fertilized eggs are rinsed and flushed out of her body once a month during those delightful few days she has. If a Kurd, after surviving bloody battle with Saddam Hussein's army and a long, difficult escape through the mountains, is crushed and killed by a parachute drop of humanitarian aid, that, my friend, is irony writ large. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. A gynecologist who wants my wife to have three or four drinks before the examination. The Official Home of George Carlin- georgecarlin.com If your kid needs a role model and you aint it, youre both fucked. George Carlin, 32. Hosted by Sabrina Tavernise. You don't see chickens hanging around in drug gangs, do you? You get ready for High School: drink alcohol, party, and you're generally promiscuous. Thats what all that asshole jock bullshit is all about. For myself, I have solved this political dilemma in a very direct way. I really haven't seen this many people in one place since they took the group photographs of all the criminals and lawbreakers in the Ronald Reagan Administration. Now Darryl Stingley's son plays football, and if the son should become paralyzed while playing, it will not be ironic. No problem. Everybody's going to save something now. And Bushis pushing this country farther down the hill, faster than anyone has before. ""Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. I gave up on this stuff. Has been for thousands of years! How can [God] be perfect? George Carlin was incendiary, he was hilarious, he was often the smartest dude (and biggest smartass) on the block, and he was a national treasure. What do you say? change. The people are fucked! George Carlin, 80. And do people really watch this shit? It creates a hostile work environment. George Carlin, 65. They own all the important land. We'll stand it up in Rockefeller Plaza and conceal its natural beauty by hanging shiny, repulsive, man-made objects on it, and let it stand there slowly dying for several weeks while simpleminded children stare at it and people from Des Moines take pictures of it. You know what they want? Everybody complains about politicians. I feel that if I was figuratively dropped on the Earth and there was a political line, I would be just left of center. ""Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. What's the use of being God if every run-down shmuck with a two-dollar prayer book can come along and fuck up Your Plan? Everybody gets one swing. Im an acrostic: the whole thing puzzles me. Believe me, my friend. A boring game for boring people. Political correctness is Americas newest form of intolerance, and it is especially pernicious because it comes disguised as tolerance. Next time you're at a wishing well. They come from American parents and American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses and American universities, and they are elected by American citizens. Here's what you do: First of all, you don't get all scared and do whatever he tells you. George Carlin Quotes. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity. You have no right to complain. In America, anyone can become president. When youre born you get a ticket to the freak show. Men are terrified that their pricks are inadequate and so they have to compete with one another, to feel better about themselves, and since war is the ultimate competition, basically, men are killing each other in order to improve their self-esteem! You might get there on time, but, screw the company, those first twenty minute belong to you, right? I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it. There are over seventeen thousand golf courses in America, they average over one hundred and fifty acres a piece. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day. Dopey was into everything. And we wont leave much of a trace.
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